… siMpLe tHouGht of -mEd’z- …

wew…we’ve been not seen each other for 2 days…and today…hahaha, nothing’s change whether with or without you at all. we didn’t talk at all. did you so busy today?! i don’t think so…you didn’t even greet me. well, don’t know what to say.

i think it was just my stupid thought…hoping and expecting too much on you. i was such a fool sober!! you don’t want me at all…that’s the fact! i should listen to it!!! i hate my self when it happened again to me. the feel of rejected.

i don’t believe in Love anymore.

last night i dream you were holding hand with other. it shocked me! is it premonition for me that we’re not mean to be?? absurd! but did you know, it hurts me so much even it was a dream…till this moment (even to remember that Fuc*in’ dream)… i’m afraid that i fall too deep in you. i tried to denied that all this long…i thought i could get over you little bit…but unfortunetly i couldn’t!! i miss you this bad (desperately missin’ you)…but i don’t know how to tell you! all i can do was sent my feeling to the words shown in screen where everyone able to saw it…but i guess you didn’t…i’ve been waiting whole day (even two!) just to see you appear in my screen…but you didn’t. Did you feel what i feel…or it was my imagination to keep me steady?! than how could i feel that you feel what i feel?! sometime you shown something that could turn me to think that you sent something to me. then why you did that?? and if i was wrong…(i didn’t know what to say if it was wrong…)

… Like Jack said to Ennis … "I wish I Could Quit You!!"

this morning, one of my friend asked me ’bout her problem and my point of view. she was afraid of relationship she’s been follow with. most of us afraid to what we believe (feel) when it had not been happened to us. she was afraid that the man whose been closed to her wouldn’t felt the way she felt for him. Uncertain. She was in Uncertain circumstance. I hate the Uncertain circumstance, prob. most of us do. But in Love, there’s so many Uncertain we would facing. Hope, desperate, lost, guilty, dump, doubt, hurt, wait.

I do wait some one in Uncertain also… and i’m still waiting. Hurt, but hopless. Sometime waiting become something that "certain" to me…but the result was too absurd for me. i used to ended something b4 it grows…it always be like that for me.

She never met him b4, and arranged to have one. but she wasn’t too sure that he would like her if they’re met. she was too afraid ’bout the possibility. she think she’s fall on him already, but still, wasn’t quite sure was it love or was it only a feeling of need…and if it was a Love, she wasn’t sure if she ready for it.

The different between my friend and i, She tried to fight her fear to meet her man, while me, could only wait and watch over and over again withouth a brave to show how much i feel … lost and desperate.

Gila…liburan, malah pk black-out (pingsan jo’!!!)…tiba2 aja gw keabisan Oksigen bis latihan body combat!!! pas bangun muka gw yg dah memar2 gitu lagi (pasti jatohnya g romantis bangget!!!)…Jidat, hidung (tambah gede’ jo’!!), dagu, sama kening samping gw…sialnya si Adi malah pikir gw abis di permak ma H. Jeje!! Sial!!!  masih sakit ney….untung aja bibir gw gk luka ky waktu dulu di t4 Shinta…pphhiiuuhhh….Tapi tampang gw jadi berantakan gini…hehehe….(mang nya udah berantakan bukan?!!). Akhirnya setelah kejadian kemaren gw membuat suatu plan, kalau2 suatu saat nanti gw fall-out lagi, diusahakan jatohnya kebelakang ato sambil duduk, ato nggak cari orang terdekat yg cukup kuat untuk menahan beban (biar terlihat lebih "elegan" gitu jatohnya)…so, muka terselamatkan lebih dulu…(emang bisa milih gitu kl pingsan??!!! dasar aneh….hehehe!!!)

waaa…..what a bore Holiday will be 2morrow!!!! i have no plan. not at all!!! was planning to have a trip to Bandung…but Yudith couldn’t make it!! Damn, he’s the only guide we have. Hope there’s a miracle …

miracle…miracle…miracle…i think i need more than just a miracle…hahaha!!! hate that!!! 

i went to Frq’s graduation day yesterday. wow…suddenly just got all the memory flash back in to my head. how we used as an ordinary college student…woke late, run for assignments, those lab. thing, having fun and around…it was so awesome!!! but it still a "was". never thought life’s goin’ so fast. i’m already settled with my job here (never thought that i’ve been a year workin’) seems i already forgot how we used to be. it’s true that we’ve met very rare recently. till i almost forgot to having friend like him…hehe.

we used live together sharing a flat when we were in 3rd grade. then i moved back to my house. he seems got better living when he was in 4th grade…hahaha…i came to his flat so often. when we were still rent a room together, we had a very great place. quite big room and we could spent the afternoon by the main house roof tile infront the room (we were live in 2nd floor and the main house has its roof connected with 2nd floor). he used to play guitar and i used to laugh to what he played (or sometime astounded to the song). He had a different type of music kind, but some time drag me and forced me to like it…(such keane and stuff) hahaha…yea, it was a couple years a go. Ouw…one thing that came usual, we used to spent night hours at internet cafe till morning…and got sleep all day time by tomorrow…hahaha…

well, once again…Congrat’z for your Graduation Frank… 

PS : you asked me what would be us in next 5 years…and now i tell you, that i would be more far then i thought…or i ever thought…i would live my dream and i would enjoy with it…i would live my life with no regret coz i will achive what i’ve been waiting whole my time.

now, what would you be ???

ah…gila….masa’ gw harus nyerahin judul tesis gw sekarang buat persiapan seminar pertama bulan ini. Anjrit!!! gw blom siap!!!

aduh…(red : situasi panik)…gimana nih?! gawat…

limbah nuklir…bottle neck kemacetan…ato… aduh…g da ide…don’t know what to do…

i wish i had you to share this…but you’re off today!!!! DAMN!!!!