… siMpLe tHouGht of -mEd’z- …

Couple days ago i seen a movie called "the cure"…it was a simple story that told ’bout friendship between 2 kids which named Erik (Brad Renfro) and 11 years old-Dexter (Joseph Mazzello). i found the movie tags told "Two boys found a way to make one summer last a lifetime" (wasn’t it touching you so… ). the story flown easly and bit touchy. dexter, the youngest one, had AIDS living inside his tiny body, and they both were trying to found the cure for him. until one day, erik’s mother forbide him to play with dexter ‘coz he got AIDS. when they read that a doctor in distant New Orleans claims to have found a cure for AIDS, the boys leave home on their own, planning to float down the Mississippi river and find him. and they start their journey. what was touching me, when one night in their escaping journey, dexter told to erik that he was afraid to some moment when he woke up, all things around was fade to black. he told that the univers was dark and pointless with no end…he was afraid the moment he woke and everything seems dark, mean he lost in space…alone and hopelessly. and that moment, erik gave him one side of his dirt old shoes to hold on while he slept that night…so, when he woke up and everything was dark, he knew he still hold that stink-dirty shoes…and he knew that he still woke on earth, with erik beside to watch over…dexter died by the end of the movie. erik gave his dirt-old shoes when dexter laid on his coffin (reminded to the moment when dexter told his fear before)…

Suddenly, i reminded to Christina Aguilera song called "Hurt"…for what’ve been happened recently, i just don’t know what’s troublin’ me. I just…tired with all of this…But i guess, the way i did to you, just the way i hurt my self…I’m sorry…i didn’t mean it…i’m just trying to understand and try to accept it as ordinary thing…people said, "maturing process"…I Love You…i swear I Do…but this moment, i need time to get peace with my self…my emotion still take control of me until this day…but soon, i’m coming back to you…and i’ll wait for that day…would you forgive me?

DAMN!!! why it such so hard for me to take it!! it just a small stuff, but it sweat me lot!! i waste my time by thinking of it over and over again…while it mean nothing to you (i guess).

In not mood to think ’bout you..
There’s couple things i might be doubt..Something i understand but i can’t say it out…

Yesterday i met my friend. And we came to her story bout her past love. She didn’t feel sad to told me her story. She’ve been broke up for almost a year after throughing 4 years together. What has made me amazed with her was,the way she thought of those memories and accept it as it was a part of her life..Without regreting what had been thru for those years. She thinks, what’s need to be upsad for what has been done before..Everything that has been happened had a reason. And everything her man had ever did to her, the beautiful things he brought, can defeated the heartache he made. And she think so. So, if one day she reminded of her love life before, all she can felt was the happiness of having love..And the feeling for being loved by the man who was ever livin’ in her heart..

Isn’t it too beautiful to heard..Never try to regret the Love that ever brought to your life..What ever its end, those beauty has brought couldn’t ever deniable.

glad to having you for this recent days…hope this feeling will never change. i won’t change…wouldn’t you?

"Promise" by Tracy Chapman slowly dragging my mood into thinking to those days i passed with you. why this song so great to replay over and over again…i don’t even know the words…suddenly i reminded to the first time we ever met year ago. mmmpphhh…i wish i knew. i fall on you.

Wow!!! Awesome!!! i won First Runner Up in karaoke competition which held in my office…hahaha…never thought i could!!! Still…with embarrasse upon my face…hahaha…

i just felt the taste of being fame yesterday (even only in a small scoop)…everybody talk about me…everybody knows my name…some of them adore me…some other said something that turn me flattered…everybody greeting me everytime we pass up…i became the "topic of the day" that day…do you know what was it felt?? AMAZING!!! hahaha…

not in mean of being High or something…i just amaze by the taste of being known…there’s a lot of feeling deep inside mixing into something undescribe…happy, glad, worried, embarrasse, proud, addicted, bit paranoid of crowd…i almost can’t control my emotion…the only thing i want to do was leaving…i don’t fit in there…when i have trouble in controlling my emotion, i need someone beside to calm me down (…and i wish it was you) …  

… i think the second song wasn’t as good as the first…only a few people knows…i dissapoint people who wants to saw me…feel really embarresse with what i did…and i become bit worried to meet people…they would said "No…he didn’t as great as they told me yesterday!!!"…then i finished!!!

O my God…i was embarressing my self today!!! i joined the karaoke contest!!! hahaha…LOL!!! i almost revoke my decision to joined, but all my fella pushin’ me to come…so i came this day as the last contestant…with shaking’ knees and dizzy head by lot of people watchin’ i start to sang "Feeling Good" that in fact of Feeling Embarressed!!!

The result wasn’t bad i guess…by couple of missing line of the song i sang and some of uncontrolled tune, i still able to break the top 10 finalists to perform once again tomorrow…wish me Luck guys…

Aku Kangen sama Kamu … hehehe … hope you miss me too.

i was often to having "one side Love"…but not as hurt as she had.

i came for my lunch this afternoon with some friend of mine. as usual, we started to talk ’bout daily "happening" either in office or our personal life, before one of my friend told a kind of tragical-Love life she had. She fell to one man, but sadly…only her who felt that Love. that man prefer to other girl. she tried to get strong and walk with it. she already made it well recently, until she knowing that the man, today, has fall to other girl, which is her girlfriend. what more tragic for me to heard was, she might seen both of them everyday in almost every moment, because she had same floor with that man and his new girlfriend.

i just realize, that someone may had more sadly Love life than we might. Some time we could only point ourselves as the one who really poor in having our Love life, without knowing that still lot of people out there having worst than we had. and we don’t even know it happened to person that close to our life. i really sorry even only to heard her story. if i was her…i wouldn’t be that strong. i’m quite amaze with her bravery to walk with all of it this long.

i’m lucky to have this feeling for you. i’m getting believe that you feel what i feel for you. i just need to be more sure ’bout that…or shouldn’t i ask for it…wasn’t both of us still could be happy and feel loved by each other without need to be sure…but one thing came for sure to me…"I also Fell in Love With You…and it goes stronger every day, every time i saw you appeared on my window"…i want to see you said that you Love me…every time, every day, every moment i could.

i don’t know what’s happening to my life…suddenly, i think i really in Love with you. i never came too far before, and i nefer fall this way before. i guess, only you who could turn me into this feeling. i never feel bore to see you, to get close to you, or only staring you while you didn’t aware. i even try to liking your personality. my friend’s right…"A perfect Love wasn’t matter of finding a perfect person, but it’s all about accepting the imperfection to completed for a perfect Love"…i always fell in love with you almost everytime we’ve met. But shame on me, too coward to shown how much you mean to me. I REALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU…i guess i’m true…wish you know that.

mmmppphhh…..like frank sinatra once said "That’s life…that’s what i can’t deny it".