… siMpLe tHouGht of -mEd’z- …

Pagi ini tiba2 sebelum jam 8 am gw udah kebangun..gak seperti weekend yg biasanya gw akan bangun sebelum jam 10 pagi.
Saat gw cek messenger gw, ternyata salah satu sahabat lama gw sewaktu SMA di Bali dulu sedang on line..dan saat itu tiba2 gw tersadar..how long we’ve been not reaching each other..dan satu hal yang pasti, kami (mungkin) telah kehilangan sensitifitas dan affections of friendship setelah sekian lama tidak menjalin silatuahmi seperti we used to be at senior high dulu. Dan saat itu pula gw menyadari, how old are we..but none of us were changed. Secara fisik kita tetap sama (I was wondered how could we still look pretty same with the way we were..hahaha), tapi secara kekayaan emosional kami telah berevolusi..dan sayangnya..banyak kesempatan untuk berbagi yang telah terlewatkan..
Satu hal yang sebenarnya ingin gw sampaikan dari kejadian pagi ini..try to keep your relationship to those people you consider as your best friends! Little chat or voice on the phone will means lot! Jangan sampai kalian tersadar bahwa ada seorang sahabat yang sejatinya bisa menjadi tempat berbagi dan berevolusi bersama telah terlewatkan begitu saja..dan saat kalian menyadari bahwa waktu telah berlari, you’re just getting old..without change to come back to the moments passed by.

A little morning thought by me..

-mario-

pernah dengar wise word "semua berasal dari niat" ?? yepz, sekali lagi gw merasakan kehebatan dari niat, well, even not a big thing sih…tapi cukup mencerahkan. semalam gw tidur jam 1 malam, sempet kepikiran untuk sahur lebih awal karena takut gak kebangun kalau mau sahur jam 4 pagi. ntah kenapa, gw yakin aja kalo, some how, gw akan bangun sahur gak terlambat. dan sebelum tidur gw niatkan diri gw untuk bisa bangun untuk melaksanakan sahur dan Shalat Subuh tepat waktu. dan gw yakin Tuhan akan memberikan jalan untuk setiap niat baik. and that’s how the goes goin’…tepat jam 3 pagi, some how, david telepon untuk bangunin gw sahur…see that?! hahaha…ya tiba-tiba aja ni anak telpon gw pagi-pagi buta untuk bangunin sahur…but shamely, gw ketiduran lagi tepat setelah ber-haha-hihi dan menutup telpon dari dia…hahaha… *kok bisa yah!! dasar kebo’!!* . dan, the bless still goin’ on, tepat 40 menit kemudian (10 menit menuju jam 4 pagi), tiba-tiba Piglet telpon…hahaha…hhmmm, gw sampe lupa kapan piglet terakhir telpon gw yah…seems months ago…dan tiba-tiba aja tadi pagi telpon untuk bangunin sahur (juga)…hahaha (kangen ngobrol berjam-jam sama dia di telpon), yadah…karena takut ketiduran lagi, akhirnya gw putuskan untuk sahur. maklum lah hari ini aku tidur sendirian tak ada orang dirumah…huehehe. see that!! Tuhan itu pasti membukakan jalan dan kemudahan bagi setiap orang yang memiliki niat baik. dan ini hanyalah salah satu contoh kecil yang cukup memberikan gw pencerahan akan berniat baik . Life’s great dude. be greatful for those you have and you ever had.

buat gw saat ini cinta seperti secangkir teh hijau, pahit. namun sepahit apapun rasanya, sampai saat ini gw masih berhasil menghalau pikiran gw untuk tetap meneguk 2 gelas di tiap siang dan sore hari sebelum jam kantor usai…just like how i always be in love easly, no matter how hard im avoid it whenever it comes. i’m addicted to love as to a cup of green tea. no matter how bitter it is. the color it has is dark-brown…sama seperti perasaan yang selalu cinta bawa (yang menurut gw)…kelam. but everytime i served the tea, the excitement feeling is always come up inside of me like i’m having a present…so does everytime i fell in love. most of time, i better had it lukewarm and almost never had it hot. i don’t want my tongue get blistered…as i don’t want to make any rush to my heart, avoiding another chances of disappointed.

*sambil menyeruput teh hijau gw yang hampir dingin*  No sugar please…i prefer had it flat. ‘coz i don’t want to faking and fooling my self of what it tasted. just like Love which always come in honesty, not pretending..or even camoflage. Saat ini gw sudah bisa bersahabat dengan rasa pahitnya. aneh bukan apabila teh hijau dengan rasa manis?? *and until today, im still using the green tea yang Piglet kirim as one of my birth day present last year*. gak tau kenapa, gw lebih prefer teh yang diseduh dari pucuk-pucuk daun teh hijau yang dikeringkan dibanding teh celup (dan Piglet kirim satu kantong cukup besar yang sampai saat ini masih ada 1/3 kantong tersisa…irit banget yah…hahaha)…mungkin karena lebih "asli" dibanding teh celup yang sudah masuk pabrik dan mengalami "proses ini-itu" serta penambahan zat-zat lainnya sehingga rasa asli sepucuk teh hijau sudah berubah dan berganti menjadi aroma herbal serta buah-buahan lainnya (yang sering membuat perut gw mual…hahaha…). dan mungkin bisa dianalogikan seperti as many people want a genuine love (with no additions feeling started by wealth, looks, money, inherit and such), a true one, which once it comes…it would last (like the bitter of its taste that almost last until hours after you had it…). genuine love gak akan terbentuk karena "diinginkan", tapi justru terbentuk alamiah oleh "proses", just like pucuk teh hijau yang subur karena dukungan bumi yang selalu setia dan sabar menunggu. but, seberapapun gak enaknya teh hijau, we can’t deny the benefits it brings…(yea, salah satunya sih manfaat antioksidan dan peluruh lemaknya yang sering orang-orang bicarakan). so do Love. Love bring joy to us. energy, expectation, excitement, hope, laugh and those great things may come…(duh, jadi bingung barusan ngomong apa yah…hahaha). mmm…my tea is cold already, i better finish it as my office hours already end an hour ago…

yea…Love is like a cup of green tea. bitter, genuine, healer.

*meracau disore hari…

"l’ve realized that life is indeed full of contradictions. sometimes its crazy to be sane, u need to fall to fly, people suffer bcoz u care, u have to unlearn to know the lesson, u have to give up bcoz ur strong, u have to be wrong to make things right… nonetheless, life’s complexities r also life’s source of beauty. we should cry to laugh again, fall apart to b whole again and get hurt to LOVE again… im ready for it…"

what a such deep thing huh…i found this thought when i was lazy-browsing while killin’ time in this boring afternoon (i still haven’t anything to do until this hour!!).

did we need to get hurt to love again?? deep within, i’m still wondering ’bout it. i hate being hurted. everyone does too… *drink my green tea.* but i’m sure, the man behind that thought might had through those such things before.

"Life is full of contradictions". abseloutly agree !! do we ever felt that sometimes what we had not as what we wanted?? what we smile of not as what our heart spooken…or even what we did to someone we love only based to keep the line goes okay, as we need the "secure-feeling" from the relationship. sometimes we think we had enough understanding our partner…but will they ever understand us?? in contrarary, they might do the same thought of us. i ever read 1 wise words back when i was studying, "People do what they used to do. If we get hurt by that, it wasn’t their fault. We hurt our self by thinking that what they did has hurt us, and pointing the mistakes to them. while actually they’re just doing what they used to do." . Most of us must have through this moment. and i admit that i’m often pointing the mistakes to people whenever i get bothered by something. but that, i believe, is one of "the grown-up process" which i’m still learning. i’m crying now…and in preparing for my laugh one day…and i will smiling, as i found my true source of happiness one day. i won’t left my memories behind, but i’ll keep it in my pocket! so one day i could feel trully greatful for the happiness i found while my hand grasp those painful times i’ve been through. hope so…

*playing Never To Know by Lene Marlin…

jadi inget salah satu perbincangan gw dengan abang supir angkot back when i was on my travelling in Tanjung Pinang couple days ago before i came back to Batam. dia bilang…kalau kita hidup harus sesuai dengan syafaa’t agama. kita juga harus bersyukur atas pekerjaan yang kita miliki hingga kini (disaat gw bener-bener merasa jenuh dan bosan dengan rutinitas kerjaan yang selama ini gw jalanin…beuhh…pas bener ya kang…). jangan terlalu "ngoyo" tentang suatu hal. syukuri saja apa yang Tuhan telah berikan ke kita hingga saat ini. dia juga bilang kalo’ gw kudu perbanyak Sholat, Insyaallah rizky akan dipermudah. dan Insyaallah dimudahkan segala urusannya…(dalem banget yah…). "Saat ini susah mencari pekerjaan, jadi kamu harus bersyukur atas pekerjaan yang kamu punya…dan sebisa mungkin bekerja untuk hasil yang terbaik…"  (beuh…mata gw berkaca-kaca euy dengernya…). Dia juga bicara tentang planning masa depan disaat muda agar gw gak menyesal saat nanti gw beranjak mulai berumur…dan dia memberikan sample tentang dirinya yang (menurut dia) termasuk terlambat merancang masa depannya (karena dihabiskan sia-sia dalam kesenangan semu). Sebenernya si Abang belum terlalu tua…he’s even haven’t been 30 yet (maybe around 28 - 29). tapi dia bicara bijak banget. like a brother told his little bro.

Dalem banget yah…Shinta bilang kalau mungkin saat itu Tuhan sedang berbicara sama gw melalui si Abang…dan gw pun mulai berpikir untuk mensyukuri apa yang sudah gw miliki sampai saat ini…termasuk pekerjaan gw yang, jujur, gw mulai jenuh banget. gw pun mulai berpikir untuk merencanakan masa depan gw…gak bisa selamanya gw hidup dalam hedonisme yang selama ini jadi pelarian…mmpphhh…gw harus stop kebiasaan travelling gw yg benar-benar boros. Nyokap gw sebenernya juga pernah ngomong tentang ini… (duh, kenapa tiba-tiba keinget tampangnya itu Abang yah…hahaha…)

*ya Allah, semoga Kau membukakan pintu rizky dan berkah mu untuk si Abang Angkot itu dan keluarganya…Amin.

Goshhh!!! i’m a quarter century now!!!!

9th of October 2008, lonly in obscure room and having an hour conversation with abi…but the first birthday statement came from Ratna…payah si Abi!! percuma dia telpon mah…hahaha…flowers blossom along the path i passed (haha…good thing to start your birthday right!).

well, kinnda awkward too being 25th…oughh!!! Happy Birth Day dude…and good luck for your life next…try to be careful in Life and Love okay! Don’t be falter anymore…watch that!! hahaha…

one fine morning, i got a great lesson from one of my friend. he told me about human kinds handling their problems. he told me that there was a three type of a human personality throughing problems of their lifes. first, is the carrot type. second, is the egg type. and the third, is coffee type. there was 3 hot boilling water in the same hours of boiled at the same temperature, and those three things are puting into. after some minutes, they’re took out from the boilling pan. the carrot, which used to be a hard and rigid, turning into a soft and slack thing. while the egg, came from a brittle and fragile thing, turning into a hard and solid one. and the coffee, it came out with mixing with the water, giving the color into it and spread out the good aromas to around it.

the materials representating us in life (doesn’t it look close to our personality right…). the boiling water in pans are representating the problems and temptations we should or we had throughing in lifes. and the output result…are what we may come after. now let us thinking for a while…which one are we ?   -adios-

after couple while..a long moment of self-closing and termination..i regain my gutz to open up again my blog. too many things should left behind. i was worried about. too coward facing the truth.

many things gone by. but still..there is something that last forever. no matter how hard i tried to kill.

In a relationship with some one. doubt.

" Lelah kuberjalan menelusuri hari,
  Menunggu sesuatu tuk melupakanmu,
  Wajah-wajah telah datang
  dan telah pergi,
  Tetap kusendiri dan merindukanmu…

  Ku kan menunggu,
  Saatnya jatuh cinta lagi…"   (Anggun)

hopely after this, i could move forward forgetting all those memory behind. such my first spring in an early winter.

Apa bisa cinta memilih?
Atau kita memilih cinta?